From 5K to 15K. Nope, not yet.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my spontaneous stupidity when I signed up for a 15K running event.

You can read that blog post here.

In summary, this was stupid because I had only run a 5k distance before and had a short amount of time (just over a month) to train up to the farther distance. I got my run training app downloaded and hit the pavement. Things were going well for the first couple of weeks. I was still scared, but growing in confidence that I could finish and in a respectable time.

So where are things now.....

I got a cold. Not a big deal, but it did throw off my running schedule for a week. When I started to feel better, I went for a 5-miler. It was a struggle, but I still finished within my time range goal even though I had to walk often. I had slightly less than two weeks to run day. My plan had always been to do a least one 7-mile run before the big day.

Then, that cold developed into a sinus infection. Suddenly, I found myself in the final week before the run barely dragging myself through the day. It was rough. I started to feel better and knew I had to get running again as time was running out.

So I went out to attempt a 7-miler.

And struggled. Hard. I was worn down. I was achy. I barely finished 3-miles. I had to slow down for coughing fits. I was as slow as I had ever been.

The big running event was only three days away.

I have a bad habit of being too hard on myself. I don't do a good job of letting go of things I actually have no control over. Whether it was the chunk of money I spent on registration or to show how tough I could be, for a day or so I thought I HAD to do this. I was stressing out. I knew this wasn't going to end well.

Then, I realized THIS was stupid. The stressing. The worry. This isn't life or death. I don't have anything to prove to anyone or myself. It is one day. It is one event.
Could I make a futile attempt at a distance I'm not healthy enough to do right now? Sure.
Would it be miserable? Yeah.
Does it matter if I do it or not? Nope.
In my heart, do I want to do this right now? Nope.

Here I am the day before the run.
I've resigned to the fact that I am not going.

I haven't yet resigned to the fact that I don't need to waste time worrying about my decision. That I need to just let it go and get on with it. That I don't need to sweat the small stuff. This is a life lesson I am still learning as I get older.

I'm not running a 15k...yet.
Someday, I certainly will.

From 5k to 15k

Maybe.

In most of my daily life, I am overly cautious and responsible.  I was always the "good kid" and I have continued to be the "good adult." I don't speed. I don't cheat on my taxes. I follow the rules. I don't make waves. I don't send my food back when it isn't right. I wait in lines without complaining.

But every once in a while, I'm sure as a direct result of this "goodness," I do something completely spontaneous and stupid.

Sometimes these things are downright dangerous and sometimes they are silly and small. Past spontaneous stupidities have included, but are not limited to, skydiving attached to a guy named Bubba, walking into a rave party in a foreign country, and running off to Hawaii to elope with my husband.

Since I am now a mom, my spontaneous stupidity isn't dangerous anymore, but it still appears as "doing-things-not-properly-thought-out-and-then-kicking-myself-later."

For example, signing up for a 15K running event when I have never run farther than 5K in my life. That is just over 9-miles.

Oh, and the running event is only about 4-weeks away.

And I barely tolerate running.

Why did I do this?
Besides the whole spontaneous stupidity thing?

As you may know if you follow this blog, my journey to better health and fitness has been a squiggly one. I struggle to lose weight and maintain weight loss. I struggle to keep consistently active. I have found that I do better when I have a short-term goal in sight, such as completing one entire exercise DVD program in 60 days or running in a specific event on a specific date.

Over the summer, I have been running in 5K events. I have enjoyed this. The events are fun, I usually have a small group of friends running in the same events, and I get a free t-shirt. I will do almost anything for a free t-shirt .In the back of my mind, I entertained the idea of bumping up to a 10k distance next spring.

Then, I saw an advertisement for the Hot Chocolate 15k/5k in Chicago.
My husband has run this race and raved about the swag and chocolate fondue fountains.
Running toward chocolate? This I want to do.

 I had planned to run the 5k, but somehow my brain got hung up on the idea of really challenging myself. I need a real kick-in-the-pants this time of year. Why not run farther than I ever have before? Why not run farther than I honestly think I even can?

So before I could think about it too much, I went and registered for the 15k.

Then, I freaked out.

That is a big distance jump in a short amount of time. Is it even possible? Is it even possible for me?

To be honest, I don't know.

Right now, I am just focusing on getting to 10k and hoping I can rotate running/walking/stumbling to get the rest of the way. I am using a running phone app called RunDouble for a training schedule, I borrowed a jogging stroller from a friend, and I'm trying to keep the mindset that I am all in.

My running partner and me

I know my biggest obstacle right now isn't physical, but mental. Running is hard for me and I almost panic when I get farther than 5K. I think I have to stop even though my body could still go. I think about the distance and feel overwhelmed. I have to focus on one mile at a time. I still have to slow down and walk for short bursts often, but so far I'm slowly getting farther and faster than I have ever been before. Will I be ready?

 I'm not confident I can get up to a long enough distance in time and I'm not sure what I'm going to do as the event approaches if I feel like I won't be able to pull it off. Will I not even go? Will I go and finish no matter how long it takes?

To be honest, I don't know.

But I'm going forward anyway.

Mainly because it cost a nice chunk of change to register, but also because I've never regretted a single one of the spontaneous, stupid things I have ever done. Ever. No matter how stupid.

Time to make a running playlist that will last for 15k. Oh, man.