Twelve Adventures and a Happy Face

As you may know, I haven't been over here much because I've been busy over at Counting by 12s, blogging about the 12 little adventures I did this month and will continue to do every month this year. My first month over there has been fun, but more work than I had prepared for. Sure, the blogs are short, but I also have to plan, prepare, and actually DO the 12 projects. This, I had not thought out and I'm surprised I pulled it off. There were definitely some late nights and some flying-by-the-seat-of-pants. There have also been some personal revelations.

 I had no idea how much I had forgotten of myself until I started this project. It is so easy and so common to lose yourself in parenthood, especially early parenthood.  I had confidently said this would never be me. I would do it all, I had declared. I would balance work, parenting, my social life, home, and make it look effortless. I would be a supermom. I would put those sitcom mothers to shame, to shame, I said. I remember speaking confidently and arrogantly to my friends before the birth of my first son, "What is the big deal? You hire a babysitter and you rock it out, right?"

Here I am, years later, with two children under the age of 5 and no sense of what I'm doing now nor what I want to do next. Through a series of moves, I left behind careers I loved. I stopped following and participating in things that I enjoyed doing because it may appear frivolous. I let hobbies and hopes become second-thoughts, and then, no thoughts at all. I let my relationships with friends dwindle and disappear. I did all of this willingly. I made the easy choice to completely focus on what was directly in front of me. I got lazy. Doing it all is impossible, something must give, but I didn't even try to find a balance or fight for it. I just let myself go.

Through doing the Counting by 12s project, I'm learning that giving some time to myself and doing some of the things that I love to do brings balance. Suddenly, I see bits and pieces of the old me showing through. I'm not taking anything away from parenting, or from working, because by taking more for myself, I'm actually able to give more of myself. I don't know that anyone had taught me that, but it is proving steady and true. Sure, there is more dog hair than usual on the floor, the laundry mountain is higher, I didn't get that work email responded to right away, and my 2-year-old is still in his pajamas at 4 p.m. So what? I got to read a book this month, watch a movie by myself, laugh with friends, and go on an afternoon hike. Then, I even got to write about it. Small things that make me feel happy. Small things that make me a more whole and present person for everyone in my life.

One of the phrases my 2-year-old likes to say is, "Me happy! Mommy happy?" Always a question I would answer with a smile and a "Yes.Yes, sweetheart."

After coming home from one my adventures, my 2-year-old touched my face and said, "Me happy! Mommy happy!" I realized for the first time, he didn't phrase it as a question. He could already see and feel the answer.

Follow my monthly adventures over at www.countingby12s.com.

"If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try." -Seth Godin

At the beginning of the year, I said to myself and my husband that I felt like something was happening this year. That I felt some sort of fire to get moving. That I felt I was on the cusp of becoming the person I'm supposed to be, that I may actually be on the cusp of being a "grown-up." These thoughts can very well be the early symptoms of a mid-life crisis, but I wanted to make these feelings work for me in a positive way, instead of becoming a 40 year old that dresses like Miley Cyrus. So I decided two things: I'm going to do some things that I've always secretly wanted to do and if some opportunities come before me that scare me out of my wits, then I'm going to take those opportunities.

Both of these things presented themselves to me in the same package.
I found out about the website Counting by 12s , where 12 people are blogging about taking on 12 goals and adventures every month for the entire year, and I found out that I could be one of those people. Lots of things about this make me nervous, living out loud and publicly, the no-excuses time-sensitive pressure to do these things every month, doing a few things that scare me and take me out of my comfort zone. But I'm doing it.

You can see my first post with my List of 12 here at the Counting by 12s website. 
You can meet the people that are doing this project together and  inspiring other people to take some time for themselves and do the things, little and big, that you only dream and hope about. Watch me take back some parts of me, go in over my head, get nervous, wonder what the heck I've gotten myself into, and hopefully come to the end of 2013 with goals met, soul refreshed, and well on my way to making big things happen. Watch all of the participants change their lives and move their lives forward, in tiny steps and giant leaps. I hope you will visit often and follow along on this journey and  I'd love to have you play along with us with your own list of 12. Let me know if you are and keep me posted!