Boys are from Mars, Mommy is from Venus

My son was recently very embarrassed by something a girl in his class wrote in her classroom journal and then read out loud to the class (It was actually a really nice thing to say).

I asked him, “Well, what did you do?”

He shrugged, “I sat on her.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

“No, I told you. I sat on her at recess.”

We had the obvious conversation about using your words instead of, you know, sitting on someone.

Then, I realized how this seemingly small event leads to a much bigger thing my boys will need to be taught.

I am a boy mom.

I am comfortable with insects and pants with torn knees. 
I have permanent Lego wounds on the bottoms of my feet. 

I do have eyes in the back of my head.

 I preemptively know when their little hands are about to go into the front of their pants.

(The answer is…..all the time).

I know they are assessing any new object one of three ways: Can I climb it? Can I throw it? Can I eat it?

My house is loud. There is always whooping and banging. There is always running, jumping, and rolling around on the floor.

Dad is the superhero, but my boys are still young enough that Mommy is the one.

I am the go-to. I am the healer of all wounds. I am the name cried out in the night when there is fear or sickness.

So right now, in these young years, I have their attention in a way I will not when things do the natural shift and their peers become the ones while Mommy becomes the nag and the police officer.

So what can I do now to teach these little boys to grow up to be good men?

Men that won’t sit on a woman and hold her down.

Men that won’t sit on anyone and hold them down.

Men in a man’s world.

Hey, I want it to be different, of course. I want everyone, and I mean everyone, in the world to get the opportunity to start from the exact same place. I want everyone to have a clear path in every direction. I want everyone to be safe and comfortable. I want everyone to feel their worth. I want everyone to feel limitless.

But the world isn’t quite there yet. For now, the world really belongs to only some.

I am parenting two little boys. These boys will become men in a powerful country of wealth and opportunity. I like Spiderman so I well know that with great power comes great responsibility.

And they will have an inherent power.

To change things, to go forward or backward, to be heard when others are not, to stand up, reach down, and pull the person they are sitting on up to their feet.

So what can I do now to teach these little boys to be good men?

I can demonstrate compassion and worldliness.

I can be a woman that won’t be sat upon.

I can point to their Dad – a gentle man who walks softly in the world.

We can be parents who switch and share “traditional” roles.  

I can show them men and woman around the world clearing the path in every direction for themselves and for others.
I can let them recognize injustice. 

I can show them how every person we cross paths with has worth equal to their own.

I can try to do these little things and I can hope that this is enough.
Because their world will be different than mine has been and will be.

Boys are from Mars, Mommy is from Venus.

I don’t understand why they sit on people.

I don’t understand why the hands are always inside the front of the pants. 

I don’t understand the whooping and the banging, the banging and the whooping.

I don’t understand why you push someone down…….when you “like-like” them.

But I do understand that right now, I have their attention in a way I will not always have.

I do understand the power I have over the men they will become.

And I do understand that with great power comes great responsibility.