A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my spontaneous stupidity when I signed up for a 15K running event.
You can read that blog post here.
In summary, this was stupid because I had only run a 5k distance before and had a short amount of time (just over a month) to train up to the farther distance. I got my run training app downloaded and hit the pavement. Things were going well for the first couple of weeks. I was still scared, but growing in confidence that I could finish and in a respectable time.
So where are things now.....
I got a cold. Not a big deal, but it did throw off my running schedule for a week. When I started to feel better, I went for a 5-miler. It was a struggle, but I still finished within my time range goal even though I had to walk often. I had slightly less than two weeks to run day. My plan had always been to do a least one 7-mile run before the big day.
Then, that cold developed into a sinus infection. Suddenly, I found myself in the final week before the run barely dragging myself through the day. It was rough. I started to feel better and knew I had to get running again as time was running out.
So I went out to attempt a 7-miler.
And struggled. Hard. I was worn down. I was achy. I barely finished 3-miles. I had to slow down for coughing fits. I was as slow as I had ever been.
The big running event was only three days away.
I have a bad habit of being too hard on myself. I don't do a good job of letting go of things I actually have no control over. Whether it was the chunk of money I spent on registration or to show how tough I could be, for a day or so I thought I HAD to do this. I was stressing out. I knew this wasn't going to end well.
Then, I realized THIS was stupid. The stressing. The worry. This isn't life or death. I don't have anything to prove to anyone or myself. It is one day. It is one event.
Could I make a futile attempt at a distance I'm not healthy enough to do right now? Sure.
Would it be miserable? Yeah.
Does it matter if I do it or not? Nope.
In my heart, do I want to do this right now? Nope.
Here I am the day before the run.
I've resigned to the fact that I am not going.
I haven't yet resigned to the fact that I don't need to waste time worrying about my decision. That I need to just let it go and get on with it. That I don't need to sweat the small stuff. This is a life lesson I am still learning as I get older.
I'm not running a 15k...yet.
Someday, I certainly will.
